{"id":303,"date":"2022-03-24T17:22:59","date_gmt":"2022-03-24T18:22:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/?p=303"},"modified":"2024-10-16T00:08:29","modified_gmt":"2024-10-16T00:08:29","slug":"5-reasons-why-i-love-my-sick-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/2022\/03\/24\/5-reasons-why-i-love-my-sick-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Reasons Why I Love My Sick Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"

Being sick is hard.\u00a0 There are many times when I look at my life, at all the joys I\u2019ve had to forgo and the thankless work I put in to simply make it through the day, and I wish I could change it all.\u00a0 I wish I could have energy, that I could eat whatever foods I want and socialize without crashing.\u00a0 The list of wishes and grief feels endless in those weeks when I\u2019ve been slogging through a flare with no end in sight.\u00a0I need to turn to my sick friends who understand.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But when I\u2019m on an upswing, there are times when I actually wouldn\u2019t change it.\u00a0 I am who I am because of illness.\u00a0 I am proud of my disabilities and the creativity I\u2019ve built by having to work with them.\u00a0 Years of pain gave me a deep pool of empathy. Perhaps the greatest side effect of illness is the people I\u2019ve met.<\/p>\n

Sick friends have been an incredible support network for me and have become some of my best friends  They get me on so many levels.  They have empathy to match mine but have had to learn boundaries out of self-preservation.  They are some of the best communicators I\u2019ve met, whether by necessity or as a by-product of the therapy prescribed by doctors.  And the communities of sick and disabled folks I\u2019ve found myself in have been loving, warm, and supportive.  <\/p>\n

In recognition of these incredible spoonies, I\u2019d like to share with you the top 5 reasons why I love my sick friends with the hope that this can help you find a support network of your own:<\/p>\n

1. Connection<\/h2>\n

I always had trouble making friends.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know whether it was feeling different than my peers or the shame I carried from my symptoms being deemed \u201cdisgusting\u201d by those who discovered them.\u00a0 Maybe it was just my extreme introversion.\u00a0 Whatever the reason, that feeling of true connection often evaded me.\u00a0 I revel in my sick friends today who seem to just get me<\/em>.\u00a0 They know so much about my experience without me having to explain.\u00a0 I share a story and see their heads nod in understanding.\u00a0 My sick friends have all felt isolated at some point, so they are eager to make connections and are expressive of their appreciation for my friendship.<\/p>\n

2. Honest communication\u00a0<\/h2>\n

Another reason I connect so much easier with sick friends is that I can communicate more honestly with them.\u00a0 You know that feeling when someone asks \u201cHow are you?\u201d and your brain is screaming \u201cHonestly, not so good!\u201d but what comes out of your mouth is \u201cGood! You?\u201d\u00a0 Few moments make me feel more isolated than when I feel terrible but tell someone I\u2019m fine.\u00a0 I love sick friends who just cut to the chase and say it how it really is.\u00a0 Not that they dump heavy stuff on me without warning (I\u2019ve discussed the importance of finding the right space for sharing the heavy stuff here<\/span><\/a>), but they are often more honest from moment to moment.\u00a0 One friend’s response when asked \u201cHow are you?\u201d tends to be \u201cEverything is terrible and I\u2019m dying.\u00a0 How are you today?\u201d\u00a0 We laugh and acknowledge that yes, things are really tough.\u00a0 We can then choose whether to dig into why it\u2019s tough or just move on with our day.<\/p>\n

3. Empathy<\/h2>\n

Any struggle in life creates space in your brain to understand the struggles of others.\u00a0 I often find that sick friends are oozing with empathy.\u00a0 They know pain, fear, isolation, stigmatization, and discrimination.\u00a0 They can see it in others and the world around them. \u00a0 As a result, they are kind and caring.\u00a0 They stand up for others (when energy permits) and can reach beyond the differences that too often divide us.<\/p>\n

4. Problem-solvers<\/h2>\n

If practice makes perfect, then facing daily barriers makes extremely proficient problem solvers.  Being chronically ill can cause problems as minor as finding crackers in the grocery aisle with no added chemicals to getting the care you need when semi-conscious, alone, and in the care of an ER team who\u2019s never heard of your diagnoses.  While we\u2019d rather not have to face these challenges, it can lead to some incredible resourcefulness and critical thinking skills.  When something goes wrong with my house, my job, my relationships\u2026 I call on my sick friends to help me think it through.  We don\u2019t easily throw up our hands and decide it can\u2019t be fixed because, so often in our experience, that simply isn\u2019t an option.  <\/p>\n

5. Access intimacy<\/h2>\n

I came across the term access intimacy recently and it\u2019s my absolute favorite. Coined by disability advocate Mia Mingus<\/a><\/span>, it means the intimate feeling of knowing your accessibility needs will be met by someone.\u00a0 Maybe they intuitively anticipate what you need before you even ask, or they simply create an environment so accepting and accessible that you feel no discomfort in asking.\u00a0 As someone with invisible disabilities, speaking up for what I need carries a lifetime of shame, fear of being judged or rejected, and feeling guilty for being a \u201cburden\u201d to others.\u00a0 With sick friends, I can just say whatever I\u2019m feeling or need.\u00a0 They validate that my experience is real and empathize that they\u2019ve been there.\u00a0 They ask clarifying questions to make sure they understand my needs and then put their creative and resourceful brains to the task.\u00a0 And sure, sometimes in a group of chronically fatigued and disabled people, sharing what I need doesn\u2019t mean anyone else can get it for me.\u00a0 But having the space to ask is revolutionary in itself.<\/p>\n

For more tips on supporting sick\/disabled loved ones, check out the relationships section of our blog here!<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

While I may not feel grateful for being sick, I have immense gratitude that my illness journey led me to such wonderful people.  It took me years to find them, but it was worth the wait.  If you are sick and reading this, I wish for you to find a community of loving sick and disabled friends.  If you are a healthy and abled ally, I hope you will appreciate these gifts that sick friends can bring to your relationships \u2661<\/p>\n

Looking for your own community of the illest people and their allies?\u00a0 Join our <\/span><\/em>Friends in the Fight\"\u2122\" Facebook group<\/em><\/span><\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n

The post 5 Reasons Why I Love My Sick Friends<\/a> appeared first on Mighty Well Journal<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being sick is hard.\u00a0 There are many times when I look at my life, at all the joys I\u2019ve had to forgo and the thankless work I put in to simply make it through the day, and I wish I could change it all.\u00a0 I wish I could have energy, that I could eat whatever Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":285,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-303","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chronic-illness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":304,"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303\/revisions\/304"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/285"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anaesthesiaassistant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}